there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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