I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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