the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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