Walk of Shame today included voting.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
