dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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