In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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