Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
