i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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