these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
