I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
