Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
