I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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