What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Found the puke drawer
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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