Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
