So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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