Me too!
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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