i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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