i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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