This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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