have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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