one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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