dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
