Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
