farters have to be the big spoon...
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
