I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
this beer tastes like vomit already
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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