i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
