We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize