all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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