Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
