why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
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