Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
