her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
