Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
