I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
