OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
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