she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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