and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
