did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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