Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
