The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize