How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
