$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
