I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize