How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
