Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
