Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
