This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
