on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize