I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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