Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
