genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize