yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
