The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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