I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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