She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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