I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
