whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
