What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Success! We fucked roommates!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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