She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
