Farmville is her only friend.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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