I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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