I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
