You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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