She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
