have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
