I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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