Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
