I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Dignity is for republicans.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
