Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
