So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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