broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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