I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
So apparently I’m into choking now
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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