i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
