...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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