I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
