well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize