I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
