Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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