dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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