From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
