for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
