I have demons in me.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
