i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
