I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
