Who did Billy Mays play for?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
