Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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