i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
