Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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