what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
