How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He felt like a one man threesome
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
