It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
