my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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