tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
