I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
