Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
