make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
