My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
