Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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