My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
