That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
